I want to acknowledge how incredibly hard it is for you right now.  Your grief runs deep and the temptation to surrender to addiction runs high.  You find yourself wanting to self-criticize, somehow feeling there should be a tender, more loving way to experience death.  That you should be doing just this.  There is always some fantasy version of ourselves that has it together, has it all figured out.  I know you can see her clearly!  Yet that is not your path.  Your path is winding and dark.  The kind that needs a candle to light the way.  Be kind to yourself and the light will grow.  Don’t listen to the voice of criticism, don’t give in to self-hatred.  Discard that story.  Believe in yourself and the knowledge that no matter where you are, whether it’s a place of addiction or self-love, things are exactly as they should be.  You cannot alter the path you are on, only walk it with courage and grace.  The message is love yourself no matter what.  To know that each day is an opportunity to practice self-love, which in the midst of grief is unclear.  I only know you must love yourself wholly, shadow and light, no matter how imperfect you think you are.  The rest will fall into place.

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April Aronoff

Photography by April Aronoff

4 thoughts on “Message To Myself

  1. Insightful statement… let go of it, the past the pain the grief… you only need acknowledge it and then let it go… You are not the pain / grief… you are the one choosing the experience… your soul is wiser and more full of joy than the grief that seeks to use you. Love is all you require for a greater lift in life and holy truth… love is not about allowing for the grief to take hold, but to allow the soul to move you through it and learn what is needed to move forward. Bless you and may you find the peace of the heavens in your heart to remove the grief and fill you with the knowing joy that you are, and always have been . ❤


    1. Thank you Ewalina, for such a heartfelt response. I struggle with letting grief take over, and for the first time in my life, feel myself holding it with love. Blessings to you:)


  2. Thanks for your post and the flowers. I am having a hard time right now- disabled and having home care workers not show up for shifts. Just decided to love myself as you suggested. Just got an email from a friend in
    Southern Oregon. She and her partner offered to pay the housecleaning service to help me out.
    SCORE! Thanks – prayer works. Grief off into spirit and life here on earth.


    1. Hi Ellen, I am so glad that you have chosen yourself to love. I would be lying if I didn’t say I struggle frequently with loving myself, with deciding that no matter what my life looks like there is always room for love. And if today was not so easy, there is always tomorrow. Its hard to muster such emotion when things are so difficult, but it is in these moments that we need it most. Many blessings to you, and may you be loved, cared for and well. 🙂 April


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