I’ve decided to embark on a voyage of the soul. As I continue to struggle with my feelings of anxiety and irritability, I find myself reaching deeper and deeper into the well of my spiritual tool bag. What I find never ceases to amaze me. Last week my boys had another huge blow out fight. At times it gets so ugly, with my husband and I struggling to stay cool, sane, and in control. In all honesty we’ve lost it ourselves more than once.
The next day I sat in the garden, feeling pretty lousy about my family life. I began to hold a small bundle of wisteria branches I had collected to make a magic wand. They were long but thin, the perfect size for a wand. I added some sweet smelling lavender that had already bloomed and dried. The combination was pure beauty J Then the knowing came: Make an altar for your family. Feed this altar, pray to it. Call in your ancestors, all of them. Call in all the guides that are there to help each of you.
So I did just this. I made a beautiful altar on my dresser. Here is a picture of it when I first began, many days ago:
I let the flow and set up of the altar come from within. Each of the corner stones represent the four of us in our family, and I when I feel moved (or desperate) I work with the stones to heal us on a spiritual-soul level. It’s been beautiful and empowering to work with family healing this way. Smudging, prayer, magic. Bathing in the full moon. I never fail to find grace when I am engaging in these practices. I need to do them more.
As I gazed upon the beautiful creation that was a living intention of healing in my family, I closed my eyes and began to see.
What I saw was Me, as full of anxiety as I was in that moment. And the anxiety was everywhere. And the spirit me that I saw so clearly felt it to. Then I dropped away and it was just Her. Me, on a soul level. And She began to take big, deep, breathes. Inhaling deep, going all the way to the spine, the back of the heart opening like a flower at the end of each inhale. Exhaling slow. This became the rhythm that began to flow. And one by one each of my children joined Me, holding hands together and breathing deep. My husband arrived and made us complete. The 4 of us forming a circular wave of rising and falling chests as we held hands and breathed. I felt the liquid peace seep into the farthest crevices of my anxiety, transforming the feelings of desperation and loathing into something entirely at peace. It was truly amazing, this transformation. I went from feeling like our family was a battleground to one of serenity. I came out of this mediation feeling at ease. Then I went and got my boys and actually had something resembling a peaceful evening.
A few days later I added a picture of my husband and myself, to honor our own healing as a couple. Fresh rose petals have been added many times, along with prayers, meditation, and an anointing with rose essential oil, one drop on the rose quartz heart that sits in the center of us.
Here is a picture from today, after having been fed flowers.
This practice has been going on now for almost 2 weeks. I am grateful that I have documented this journey, because I have experienced more than a few emotional dips since it first began.
And as I re-read my own story, this is what I wish for myself:
May I remember this moment of healing whenever I find I have lost my way.
May I remember that magic lies within me.
May I remember that moments are never ending, and there is always tomorrow.