Blessings Of Compassion

IMG_1707

Mother (Earth)-

Show me your grace, ease,

like thick liquid pouring

through every space and crevice

of my anatomy,

scouring away resentment,

anger, fixity,

polishing what is light

and bright and love

within me,

like a river so cold and clean

one drop anoints thee,

so what begins as desire

ignites this body,

as deep and familiar

as cells dividing,

memories unfolding,

dreams remembered,

of a life as She.

IMG_1708

IMG_2972

 April Aronoff

Photography By April Aronoff

The Magic Of The Three/January Flower Bowl

IMG_4014

My Wish:

To be a beautiful flower at the height of abundance,

every stem, cell and fiber

an outpouring of beauty and love;

To be a ladybug, pulled by scent to feed from that flower,

knowing that its life giving tonic will fertilize and inspire;

To be what lies between when the two come together,

a transferring of life and symbiosis from one being to another;

That is the magic of the three.

IMG_4018

IMG_4023

April Aronoff

Photography By April Aronoff

The Dance With Addiction and How I Learned to Love Myself (sort of)

IMG_3997

So I have decided, in the midst of feeling like addiction has kicked my butt, and that typically in this situation I would spiral to a place of anxiety and depression, that I am really, truly awesome.  I know that much change needs to take place in order regain solid ground.  What I don’t want to do is beat myself up for the dance I do with addiction.  Because that’s exactly what this is, a dance.  Back and forth, up and down.  No control, great control, total balance, total chaos.  The full gamet of possibilities I do with this dance partner of mine.  But it is what it is.  Whatever direction I am walking in, whether it be the path of inner peace or one of great fury, I have to believe I know how to lead my way.  That wherever I am, it is exactly where I am supposed to be.  So for right now, I am dancing with addiction and its kicking my butt.  But I am deciding I am really, truly awesome.  And that I believe in myself each day, no matter the decisions I make.  My goal is always to let go, ignite, and evolve.  It is my mantra.  And for now dancing with addiction is part of this process.

IMG_3987

April Aronoff

Photography by April Aronoff

Another Green Sign That Spring Is Yet To Come

IMG_3430

These are narcissus shoots, bulbs that I bought last Spring of 2015, at the time planted in tiny stones inside a pretty glass container.  The plump shoots were close to blooming when I bought them, and the whole effect of luscious shoots+planted in tiny stones+ inside a clear glass jar was a sirens song I could not resist.  I kept them for many weeks, even long past their gorgeous bloom, cutting off the tops so that I would still have a bounty of green inside a clear glass jar.  I kept cutting off the tops, and the plants grew smaller and smaller until I finally had to admit they were done.  Then I the put the whole plant outside, intending to deal with it later, but never did.  The root system had grown quite a ways by the time I got around to it, something that was clearly visual in the jar, and not so attractive to look at.  I finally pulled the bulbs out, cut off the roots and left them on my outdoor deck, again with the intention of planting them.  By the time I discovered them many months later I assumed they were ruined.  And then I forgot about them.

Until yesterday.

It has been raining here for several days now, our yard a mess of weeds more than we’ve ever seen since we’ve lived in this house of almost 3 years.   As I glanced outside yesterday, I saw on our picnic table a flower pot completely full of water, 6 green stalks popping through the glassy top.  I stared for a minute and then it hit me:  the narcissus!  They had not died!  In fact, they had gloriously gone on, despite my abandonment of them.  One of the bulbs had fully rotted, but the rest were well alive.  Here they all are, re-potted:

IMG_3424

Another bountiful sign for Spring.  Another sign that Imbolc is approaching, the time of year where the light shines longer in a 24 hour period.  The time of preparation for birth, the time of emergence.  As the light grows, so does the seed.  Light is the nourishment that feeds the seed to grow roots, veins, shoots, buds, and flowers.  It invades every cell of a plant, with the outcome a spectacular beauty provided to every sense a human can possess.  I freely admit I am already craving Spring.  I smell it in the air and the linger of water that clings to the leaves, a faint mix of dead with the newest forms of life; tiny buds I can palpate with my finger, little green leaves poking out the tiniest curl.  They are everywhere in my yard.  Some I can see, some I cannot.  The rain has helped my plants look more lush than I’ve ever seen them.

IMG_3704

In this time when I find life to be kicking me in the behind, I can sit with these gorgeous shoots and know that Spring is near.  That the time of rebirth is imminent.  I can’t wait until it is more underway, the first of my roses giving gorgeous blooms with scent that makes me swoon.  Too deepen with my roses, knowing that I am Their Keeper, the holder of Their frequency and magic.  Roses are the ultimate Love.  While I am not yet there (feeling ultimate love that is), I know this is so.

Blessings to New Life  🙂

April Aronoff

Photography By April Aronoff

 

How Orchids Saved My Spirit

This winter has been a dark time for me.  Death, addiction, relationships, new livelihood.  The big arenas of my life have been shifting and changing steadily.  Yet I feel stagnant, as the outer me has not caught up with the inner one.  And the days have been long!  5 pm rolls around it feels like there is too much time left, too much wakefulness left to know what to do with.  It’s anxiety really, anxiety about so much big stuff rolling like a giant wave I can scarcely keep my balance.  Self-criticism has begun to seep in, I am keenly aware of this.  And just when I think it will never end, that the darkness will go on forever, I see this:

IMG_3954 (1)

And I’m floored.  This is an orchid bloom.  And it’s not the only one, there are others:

IMG_3951

IMG_3953

And all my self-doubt melts away like butter in the sun.

IMG_3945And I feel the light begin to return, a little flicker ignited within upon seeing these spectacular orchids.  Orchids that my beautiful friend Allison gave me so many years ago.  Allison passed on October 25 of 2015.  I miss her everyday and send her blessings frequently when I meditate.  These orchids have never performed like this, have never looked so amazing.  One of my indoor orchids is even beginning a stalk!

IMG_3970.JPGI cherish this light, and promise to cradle and nurture its growth as we approach Imbolc/Candelmas on February 1 st.  Imbolc/Candelmas is a holdiay for many, as this is when there is actually more light than dark in a 24 hour period, a sign that spring is just around the corner.

IMG_3949.JPG

May the light shine 🙂

Blessings!

April Aronoff

Photography By April Aronoff

Into The Rainbow Soul

IMG_1446

Sliding down the rainbow into a Pot of Gold,

Swimming in the ocean and feeling the vastness of Her womb,

Calling for sight and smell to overwhelm my senses,

For Love to gush from my heart,

Like a fruit so ripe it bursts into sweetness,

The moment it touches my tongue.

IMG_1424 (1)

IMG_3929

April Aronoff

Photography by April Aronoff

Stepping Into The Flames of Change

photo 3 (12)

2016 is the year I will ignite change.  It is the year I will end one phase and begin another, leaving many old patterns and ways of life behind.  I create this intention now.

IMG_3660

This vacation has been wonderful in many ways; I have spent pleasant time with both my boys, an act that is always far and few between, have lusciously slept late in the morning, and have visited with friends and family.  I am blessed!  But I have also been incredibly indulgent with my addictions, leaving me drowsy and sluggish.

IMG_3300

As I inch closer and closer to the fire, leaving less space to flee, run, post-pone, my body becomes heavy with all that has surfaced for burning.  It’s a pregnant feeling, although instead of giving birth to life I will be giving birth to death.  As excited I am by this process, there is a piece of me that wants to post-pone, flee, do anything to avoid.  It feels daunting, like climbing to the apex of a very steep mountain.  The end result will be beautiful, I know!  Yet the struggle remains.  There is a huge piece of me that is scared I may fail, yet, as I wrote in the poem below, to not try is akin to death.

IMG_3697

April Aronoff

Photography By April Aronoff

Poem link here:

https://mytemplegarden.org/2015/12/29/jump-a-poem/

 

Jump-A Poem

 

IMG_3825

Why is it so hard to get the words

from here to there?

They are shouting across a chasm,

begging for a rope or a bridge,

anything to take them to the other side

where they can finally come alive,

living, breathing, and dictating a life

that is bursting to be heard.

 

Then I hear it:

“You can do it,” the voice tells me,

“Jump”

The chasm is deep and wide,

and I lose my sense of balance

as I stare into its nothingness.

“Jump,” it tells me again,

“You can do it, don’t look down.”

I shift my line of vision up 90 degrees,

the other sides features fuzzy,

but with outlines I can clearly see.

“Jump!” the voice says more firmly, “Do it, Jump!”

There is no guarantee I will make it,

no way of knowing if I will land breathing

or made up of bloody pieces,

but the thought of not trying is death.

“Jump!” the voice is now yelling, “Do it now, jump!”

I take a deep breath and close my eyes,

a vision appearing despite my sudden loss of sight,

every ounce of my blood alive,

and get a running start

and Jump.

IMG_3734

IMG_3812

April Aronoff

Photography By April Aronoff

 

Healing With Birds

IMG_3910

As I was about to plunge into my darkest hour, that place of utter self-deprecation and fear, a flock of birds began to fly in and out of my garden.  It was quite a sight!  They flew to and from the bare branches of my apricot tree, and the feeling of watching them come and go was nothing short of grace.  They were beautiful; flying away from the tree individually or in pairs, flying back to the tree as a flock, a giant wave made of bird instead of water, landing almost simultaneously on each branch.  It took my breath away.

And I felt myself soften, my desire to avoid slip away.

IMG_3816

Now I could connect, tap in, something that felt almost painful in recent days.  I had gone from feeling completely resonant with my intention to experience deep fulfillment, to feeling like I had crossed all the wrong lines within myself.

But then the birds came and filled me with joy.

IMG_3913

And it came to me as I sat in stillness that this wobbling, this going off-center, is all part of the experience of going deep.  Of knowing when we have strayed too far from the path and need to get back on track.

And how I handle getting back on track, as difficult as it is, well that’s just another experience of going deep.

I almost beat myself up.  Instead, I helped myself up.

Thanks to the birds 🙂

IMG_3814

Magic is everywhere, even in our darkest hour!  I must remember:  It’s important to look to the light, even when the darkness beckons.

April Aronoff

Photography By April Aronoff

Originally posted 1/2015 on my prior blog, runninginwater.com

 

Addiction Is Staying With Me For The Holidays

IMG_3908

Her name Is Addiction

and she’s staying with me

for the holidays.

“Dee,” we call her for short.

 

Dee slipped into

my life

right before Thanksgiving,

and now has taken over

every room of the house.

 

Dee doesn’t care

that I have kids,

or drive a car

or go to work.

She lives by her own impulses,

and makes demands

that must be met

any time

at any moment

of any day.

 

What would happen

If I said, “No” is not known,

as Dee is very persuasive,

often leaving me feeling sleepy,

and malleable just enough,

so that a boundary,

any boundary,

can be pushed with ease.

 

Dee knows her visit is mixed;

intense pleasure

alongside wrangled angst;

angst over my permissiveness,

my everything is okay-ness,

over admitting

that I enjoy Dee

and her presence,

no matter how much

she burn’s me out.

And that I let her

get away with more shit,

than any other being

I have in my life.

 

I hope I don’t see Dee again

for some time (undefined).

Her stay is not forever,

and even she will know

when that stay

has been out welcomed,

slipping away

in the same manner

as always;

slow, languid,

a heavy trail of essence,

fragrant in every room,

reminding me

that she has been here

or is coming

and that I better be ready.

IMG_3905

IMG_3883

April Aronoff

Photography By April Aronoff