The Forgotten Sense/Poem To My Yoni

 

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You have forgotten me

shut me out

put up yellow tape,

Caution,”

“No trespassing,”

“Do not enter.”

***

Entangled vines

high frequency cries

from unknown creatures

dwelling inside.

An eco-system pulsing and untouched.

***

I spread my legs wide

and peer inside

and gasp at the

light within me.

 Pearly walls

butterfly wings

lotus lips.

A rabbit hole leading somewhere

I can imagine in my mind,

ecstatic

safe

snug.

***

I was born with you

and I will die with you.

Whole cultures rally shame

around your very existence.

But you are simply

just another part of me,

like a finger

a tongue

an eye.

Tools I would never consider disregarding,

so why do I disregard you?

***

If I can touch

and taste

and see,

why should I deny

that which is my life-force,

my birthright?

***

The forgotten sense,

That’s what you are.

A sense I know only

the barest surface of.

***

Slowly, I remove the tape.

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April Aronoff

 

Blessings Of Compassion

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Mother (Earth)-

Show me your grace, ease,

like thick liquid pouring

through every space and crevice

of my anatomy,

scouring away resentment,

anger, fixity,

polishing what is light

and bright and love

within me,

like a river so cold and clean

one drop anoints thee,

so what begins as desire

ignites this body,

as deep and familiar

as cells dividing,

memories unfolding,

dreams remembered,

of a life as She.

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 April Aronoff

Photography By April Aronoff

The Magic Of The Three/January Flower Bowl

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My Wish:

To be a beautiful flower at the height of abundance,

every stem, cell and fiber

an outpouring of beauty and love;

To be a ladybug, pulled by scent to feed from that flower,

knowing that its life giving tonic will fertilize and inspire;

To be what lies between when the two come together,

a transferring of life and symbiosis from one being to another;

That is the magic of the three.

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April Aronoff

Photography By April Aronoff

The Dance With Addiction and How I Learned to Love Myself (sort of)

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So I have decided, in the midst of feeling like addiction has kicked my butt, and that typically in this situation I would spiral to a place of anxiety and depression, that I am really, truly awesome.  I know that much change needs to take place in order regain solid ground.  What I don’t want to do is beat myself up for the dance I do with addiction.  Because that’s exactly what this is, a dance.  Back and forth, up and down.  No control, great control, total balance, total chaos.  The full gamet of possibilities I do with this dance partner of mine.  But it is what it is.  Whatever direction I am walking in, whether it be the path of inner peace or one of great fury, I have to believe I know how to lead my way.  That wherever I am, it is exactly where I am supposed to be.  So for right now, I am dancing with addiction and its kicking my butt.  But I am deciding I am really, truly awesome.  And that I believe in myself each day, no matter the decisions I make.  My goal is always to let go, ignite, and evolve.  It is my mantra.  And for now dancing with addiction is part of this process.

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April Aronoff

Photography by April Aronoff

Another Green Sign That Spring Is Yet To Come

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These are narcissus shoots, bulbs that I bought last Spring of 2015, at the time planted in tiny stones inside a pretty glass container.  The plump shoots were close to blooming when I bought them, and the whole effect of luscious shoots+planted in tiny stones+ inside a clear glass jar was a sirens song I could not resist.  I kept them for many weeks, even long past their gorgeous bloom, cutting off the tops so that I would still have a bounty of green inside a clear glass jar.  I kept cutting off the tops, and the plants grew smaller and smaller until I finally had to admit they were done.  Then I the put the whole plant outside, intending to deal with it later, but never did.  The root system had grown quite a ways by the time I got around to it, something that was clearly visual in the jar, and not so attractive to look at.  I finally pulled the bulbs out, cut off the roots and left them on my outdoor deck, again with the intention of planting them.  By the time I discovered them many months later I assumed they were ruined.  And then I forgot about them.

Until yesterday.

It has been raining here for several days now, our yard a mess of weeds more than we’ve ever seen since we’ve lived in this house of almost 3 years.   As I glanced outside yesterday, I saw on our picnic table a flower pot completely full of water, 6 green stalks popping through the glassy top.  I stared for a minute and then it hit me:  the narcissus!  They had not died!  In fact, they had gloriously gone on, despite my abandonment of them.  One of the bulbs had fully rotted, but the rest were well alive.  Here they all are, re-potted:

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Another bountiful sign for Spring.  Another sign that Imbolc is approaching, the time of year where the light shines longer in a 24 hour period.  The time of preparation for birth, the time of emergence.  As the light grows, so does the seed.  Light is the nourishment that feeds the seed to grow roots, veins, shoots, buds, and flowers.  It invades every cell of a plant, with the outcome a spectacular beauty provided to every sense a human can possess.  I freely admit I am already craving Spring.  I smell it in the air and the linger of water that clings to the leaves, a faint mix of dead with the newest forms of life; tiny buds I can palpate with my finger, little green leaves poking out the tiniest curl.  They are everywhere in my yard.  Some I can see, some I cannot.  The rain has helped my plants look more lush than I’ve ever seen them.

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In this time when I find life to be kicking me in the behind, I can sit with these gorgeous shoots and know that Spring is near.  That the time of rebirth is imminent.  I can’t wait until it is more underway, the first of my roses giving gorgeous blooms with scent that makes me swoon.  Too deepen with my roses, knowing that I am Their Keeper, the holder of Their frequency and magic.  Roses are the ultimate Love.  While I am not yet there (feeling ultimate love that is), I know this is so.

Blessings to New Life  🙂

April Aronoff

Photography By April Aronoff

 

How Orchids Saved My Spirit

This winter has been a dark time for me.  Death, addiction, relationships, new livelihood.  The big arenas of my life have been shifting and changing steadily.  Yet I feel stagnant, as the outer me has not caught up with the inner one.  And the days have been long!  5 pm rolls around it feels like there is too much time left, too much wakefulness left to know what to do with.  It’s anxiety really, anxiety about so much big stuff rolling like a giant wave I can scarcely keep my balance.  Self-criticism has begun to seep in, I am keenly aware of this.  And just when I think it will never end, that the darkness will go on forever, I see this:

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And I’m floored.  This is an orchid bloom.  And it’s not the only one, there are others:

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And all my self-doubt melts away like butter in the sun.

IMG_3945And I feel the light begin to return, a little flicker ignited within upon seeing these spectacular orchids.  Orchids that my beautiful friend Allison gave me so many years ago.  Allison passed on October 25 of 2015.  I miss her everyday and send her blessings frequently when I meditate.  These orchids have never performed like this, have never looked so amazing.  One of my indoor orchids is even beginning a stalk!

IMG_3970.JPGI cherish this light, and promise to cradle and nurture its growth as we approach Imbolc/Candelmas on February 1 st.  Imbolc/Candelmas is a holdiay for many, as this is when there is actually more light than dark in a 24 hour period, a sign that spring is just around the corner.

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May the light shine 🙂

Blessings!

April Aronoff

Photography By April Aronoff

Into The Rainbow Soul

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Sliding down the rainbow into a Pot of Gold,

Swimming in the ocean and feeling the vastness of Her womb,

Calling for sight and smell to overwhelm my senses,

For Love to gush from my heart,

Like a fruit so ripe it bursts into sweetness,

The moment it touches my tongue.

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April Aronoff

Photography by April Aronoff

Healing With Birds

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As I was about to plunge into my darkest hour, that place of utter self-deprecation and fear, a flock of birds began to fly in and out of my garden.  It was quite a sight!  They flew to and from the bare branches of my apricot tree, and the feeling of watching them come and go was nothing short of grace.  They were beautiful; flying away from the tree individually or in pairs, flying back to the tree as a flock, a giant wave made of bird instead of water, landing almost simultaneously on each branch.  It took my breath away.

And I felt myself soften, my desire to avoid slip away.

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Now I could connect, tap in, something that felt almost painful in recent days.  I had gone from feeling completely resonant with my intention to experience deep fulfillment, to feeling like I had crossed all the wrong lines within myself.

But then the birds came and filled me with joy.

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And it came to me as I sat in stillness that this wobbling, this going off-center, is all part of the experience of going deep.  Of knowing when we have strayed too far from the path and need to get back on track.

And how I handle getting back on track, as difficult as it is, well that’s just another experience of going deep.

I almost beat myself up.  Instead, I helped myself up.

Thanks to the birds 🙂

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Magic is everywhere, even in our darkest hour!  I must remember:  It’s important to look to the light, even when the darkness beckons.

April Aronoff

Photography By April Aronoff

Originally posted 1/2015 on my prior blog, runninginwater.com

 

December 2015 Flower Bowl/About Inspiration

 

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I am doing a 1-week meditation with Inspiration, from the start of the dark moon to 7 days into Her cycle.  If I can continue on another week I will.  This is what I have come to know about Inspiration today.

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      Being inspired is an active state.  I wish to find it in the world, draw my senses to it.  So that I may feel, smell, touch, taste, hear and see it all around me.   I want to mediate on Inspiration, let it fuel me the way a bee drinks nectar, let it lift my spirit high.  Otherwise if I wait for it to find me, I will forget and fall into lethargy.

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     Inspiration is a source of energy.  Raising my vibration like water wets the Earth, it lifts my etheric body like a flower in exquisite bloom.  Is this what it’s like to soar?  I wish to see.  

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I think I will shout, “You said it Sister!” 

April Aronoff

Photography By April Aronoff

November 2015 Flower Bowl/The Story of Tucker Dee Bored

So needing a little lightness in my life.  To help me remember nothing ever stays the same and with new perspective comes new growth.

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Welcome to the house of Tucker Dee Bored,

his wife is named Hazel, his son is named Ford.

Their house is all brown and so is their car,

not a color in sight, not even a star.

 

They get up at sunrise and eat oats and toast,

they make their brown beds, and put on brown clothes.

Then Tucker Dee Bored he goes off to work,

Ford goes to High School, Hazel’s a clerk.

They all do their jobs, the same every day,

without any thought to blue or pink or grey.

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Then one day a “THING” shot out of the sky,

landed on Tucker who was home watching flies.

And that “THING” exploded and dripped everywhere,

all over his house, on his furniture and stairs.

And suddenly his life was no longer brown,

there were colors like lava, flourescent passion, speckled clown.

 

At first he was blinded by all the color in sight,

for there was only brown, never mossy gem, sienna light.

But slowly he buzzed and tingled and glowed

and frowned at his brown oats and toast,

and began craving pizza and roasted plum salsa

and upside down pineapple roast.

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 And just at that moment arrived Hazel and Ford,

who’d been shopping for brand new brown beds,

And without really thinking Tucker picked up a cup

and threw “THING” all over their heads!

And as Hazel and Ford stood there dripping,

color steeping into their clothes,

they too began craving oranges with onions,

blue ice-crème and cherry white cones.

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Then they all began throwing cups of “THING”

on their neighbors and all down the street,

and soon the whole world was dripping with color

all over everyone’s feet!

And after that day, that fateful day,

the “THING” dripped all over them,

Tucker Dee Bored and Hazel and Fords

clothes never matched again.

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April Aronoff

Photography By April Aronoff